\nKamala Harris and Doug Emhoff have a ‘big, beautiful blended family.’ Therapists say it’s ‘inspiring.’\n
If she is elected, Kamala Harris wouldn\u2019t be the first president to also be a stepparent \u2014 that distinction falls to POTUS No. 1, George Washington, who was stepfather to his wife Martha\u2019s two surviving children from her first marriage. And the White House certainly isn\u2019t a stranger to blended families in their many forms, from the Reagans to the Trumps to the Bidens.\n
But night two at the Democratic National Convention put Harris and her modern family front and center. On Tuesday night, the vice president\u2019s husband, second gentleman Doug Emhoff, was introduced with a video produced by his ex-wife, Kerstin Emhoff, and narrated by their 29-year-old son, Cole Emhoff.\n
In the video, Cole gives a rundown of his \u201cgoofy\u201d dad\u2019s New Jersey upbringing, legal career and reputation as a \u201ccrisis guy.\u201d He then addresses his parents\u2019 divorce and seeing his dad get a second shot at love with Harris years later.\n
\u201cMy parents split when I was in middle school, and that wasn\u2019t easy,\u201d Cole says. \u201cThat\u2019s not easy for any kid. But it helped that my parents stayed friends and we all kept hanging together. We grew closer than ever. And then he met Kamala \u2014 a blind date that would dramatically change all of our lives forever.\u201d Harris and Doug Emhoff married in 2014, and \u201cKamala became Mamala\u201d to Cole and his sister, Ella Emhoff.\n
\u201cWe might not look like other families in the White House,\u201d Cole says as a photo of his \u201cblended family\u201d flashed on screen, \u201cbut we are ready to represent all families in America.\u201d\n
Doug himself echoed that as he took the DNC stage shortly after. \u201cHello to my big, beautiful, blended family up there,\u201d Emhoff said as he greeted his loved ones in the crowd. \u201cI love you so much!\u201d\n
The emphasis on this blended family \u2014 and the presence of his ex-wife, Kerstin, seen at the DNC cheering on her former spouse and his current partner \u2014 got a big show of support on social media. \u201cThe co-parenting \u2026 The goals \u2026 The healthiness in this blended family. Man. What could and should have been for so many kids,\u201d read one comment. Wrote another X user, \u201cI grew up with an incredible blended family where my dad, mom and stepmother have always worked together. The Harris-Emhoffs look like my family.\u201d\n
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Watching the DNC on Tuesday, Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist who works with families, tells Yahoo Life that she too was struck by the seemingly tight bond between Harris, Doug Emhoff, his ex-wife and their kids.\n
\u201cI thought, what a way to honor the whole idea of a blended family that has worked hard to make it work,\u201d she says. \u201cThat’s something that hasn’t been presented to this country so publicly, ever. I cannot remember an example like that.\u201d\n
But Greenberg points out that seeing divorced spouses and their new partners pull together for the sake of their kids \u2014 as the Harris-Emhoff crew did, or famous former couples such as Ben Affleck and Jennfier Garner or Bruce Willis and Demi Moore \u2014 is not something she comes across a lot in her practice.\n
\u201cI really hate to say this, but it’s more of an anomaly,\u201d Greenberg says. \u201cPeople struggle to make it work \u2026 and I really honor them. But there’s usually so much animosity left over that it’s not common [to work together].\u201d\n
That makes the blended family messaging all the more powerful, she adds. \u201cEmhoff and his ex-wife and Kamala have got something good going,\u201d Greenberg notes. \u201cThat should be inspiring because that’s not typical.\u201d\n
Erin Pash, CEO and founder of Ellie Mental Health and a licensed marriage and family therapist working with blended and high-conflict families, has a different perspective. \u201cHealthy blended families can look different depending on the family,\u201d Pash tells Yahoo Life. \u201cSome families fully integrate and co-parent with all parents, and that is healthy for those families. Other families keep things separate and are more businesslike, and that works for those families.\u201d What matters most, she adds, is that any kids caught in the middle are not exposed to \u201ctoxic stress and nonstop conflict.\u201d\n
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The vice president\u2019s family is somewhat unique, Pash adds, in one respect. \u201cThe biggest thing that stands out about the Emhoff-Harris family is that Kamala doesn\u2019t have any children she brought to the blended family,\u201d she notes.\n
\u201cTypically, blended families have better success when both sides of the couple bring children to the relationship due to common shared experience and understanding of the hardships that come with being a parent,\u201d Pash explains. \u201cThere are more families these days with this dynamic, however.\u201d It\u2019s not uncommon these days, she says, for single people who don\u2019t have kids of their own to enter a marriage and \u201cadapt well to being a stepparent as a happy medium.\u201d\n
Both Greenberg and Pash have advice for anyone wanting to strive for the sort of \u201cwe\u2019re all in this together\u201d relationship represented by the Democratic candidate.\n
\u201cI give this advice to families all the time,\u201d Greenberg says. \u201cGo slowly. Don’t force the relationships; let them evolve. And to the new stepparents stepping in, don’t immediately try to become the father or become the mother and start setting rules. \u2026 Let the relationship build organically and pace yourself. Have patience.\u201d\n
Pash, meanwhile, recommends family therapy that includes stepparents. \u201cParents who are remarried make decisions about their life with their new partner,\u201d she says. \u201cWhen family therapy doesn\u2019t include the new decision makers, nothing gets done, often leading to even more conflict and frustration in the co-parenting relationship. Families will disagree and need a safe place to talk about the issues that come up. When people are no longer married or only know each other due to their spouse\u2019s past, all \u2018control\u2019 that used to exist goes away. That can cause a lot of stress, and people need to find a way to amicably talk things out, and often.\u201d\n
Another tip: Make time for the kids. \u201cI tell parents and stepparents that for every kid they share they should expect to connect the equivalent of 10 minutes per day per child,\u201d Pash says. She also urges all parents involved to have regular \u201cstate of the union\u201d meetups in a neutral space to discuss, and resolve, any issues with the children.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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