One day, my daughter asked me, “Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I have a school project and I need it”

I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.

A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.

The title of their project was “The oldest thing in my house.”

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I a pure polar bear?”

The dad replies, “Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I a pure polar bear?”

She answers, “Of course you are honey. I’m all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?”

The baby polar bear replies, “Because I’m f****** freezing!”

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The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps on the bar and eats a very old olive that was there.

The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He ate that disgusting olive!”

The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.

A few days later the man and the monkey return to the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps on the pool table and swallows the white ball.

The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He swallowed the white ball!”

The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.

A week later, the man and the monkey return to the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer.

The monkey jumps on the bar, takes a cherry, sticks it up to his b-u.t.t, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender says, “This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Your monkey stuck that cherry up his b-u.t.t and ate it.”

The man says, “Yes, he measures everything first ever since the white ball incident”

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

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